The Perfect Showing...................

What is the perfect showing? Let me tell you..

1. The house is just like the pictures, It doesn't mysteriously back up to nuclear power plant or federal compound for the mentally insane.

2. The home is spotless, well kept and very organized. All the blinds are opened just enough to allow the natural light in. Nobody is home, no food is left out and the televisions are off. Tupac is not playing in a small boom box laying on the floor in one of the bathrooms.

3. The seller has stowed away all their bras, guns, drugs, Ouija board's, how to perform a coup de ta for Dummies book, cartons of cigarettes, sex toys, dogs, cats, birds, elephants, tigers, snakes, flesh eating worms and bug collection.

4. The yard is GORGEOUS! Filled with thick green grass, tall trees, excellent curb appeal, clean windows and freshly painted trim. A house where I don't walk through a spider web upon entry and gag on a small spider.

5. The neighbors are walking their dogs, playing with their kids and being civilized. They aren't walking their pit bulls in their boxers, laying on their cars or shouting at their kids from the other side of the street.

6. The home smells fresh, clean and airy as my wife would say. It isn't stuffy, dusty and filled with the scent of candles, potpourri or some other weird scent.

7. The furniture goes with the house! It's in good shape, clean and matching the rest of the house. A 1 million dollar home with particle board furniture makes you wonder...

8. The temperature is perfect! It isn't blazing hot or freezing cold.

9. All improvements and upgrades were done professionally.

10. The alarm system keypad is in a convenient location. I don't have to hurdle over couches, slide down a pole, rotate a book case and provide the answer to any riddles to turn it off. 

11. There are no dead bugs anywhere.

12. The pool sparkles and is even prettier in person.

13. Nobody is pretending to be sleeping when we come in so we can catch them naked. FREAK!

14. REAL COOKIES are left out for the buyers and Realtors. I once bit down on a fake cookie. Fake cookies are worthless and completely unnecessary.

15. The tile matches the other tile. You don't have 4 rooms with 4 different colors of tile!