Living with a senior family member has both rewards and challenges. I mean, let’s face it, their needs are a lot different from ours. It’s harder to hear. Harder to see. They are always cold, usually take a lot of medications, and in general, just operate a wee bit slower than us. Sometimes I feel like my mom is literally moving backward, she walks so slow. It’s hard to hold her hand and keep her steady because I’m watching my feet and making sure I don’t trip her.
Learning to respect their needs and offer assistance when needed is critical. Stay open-minded is a necessity. Here’s some tips I’ve learned for making it work:
Slow Down
My mom becomes agitated and somewhat confused when I burst into the home at the speed of sound. It takes a minute for her brain to absorb everything. I have learned to slowwwwwww down around her and other seniors. Put your phone away and talk to them. Speak loud and slowly.
Communication
Without communication, you won’t know each other’s problems and concerns. Don’t assume you know more than they do. I have made my mom cry several times because I didn’t understand the severity of her situation. It may take a little longer for them to verbalize what they want, but trust me, they know!
Define boundaries
Everyone needs boundaries and personal space. Come to a mutual agreement with each member living in the home. A closed-door can mean “do not disturb”. A door slightly open could mean knock first. Wide-open, walk-on in! Make your own rules and follow them.
Figure out finances
Of course, this is important. Figure out who pays for what ahead of time. Make sure to speak with your other relatives and be transparent about your financial agreement. Listen to their feedback, especially if they will be contributing to the cost. This will save oodles of headaches and resentment on down the road.
Show respect
No one wants to be treated like a child. When my mom gets mad, she says “Okay Mother” as a warning for me to back off. Seniors have many more life experiences than we do. Ask your senior family member questions about their life, what they think, and what they care about. Really get to know them. Carefully guide them when you see an issue for concern.
Privacy issues
Don’t turn yourself into a caregiver or a nurse without need or invitation and don't violate their personal space. Not everybody wants your help.
Support the older person's choices
This is another hard one. I don’t always agree with my mom’s decisions. But unless I can see that she would get herself into serious trouble, I let her make her own choices. Drive. Not drive. She needs to stay independent for as long as possible. Don't assume that just because they are old, they cannot manage their own affairs.
Make sure the house is accessible
Depending on the older person’s physical condition, you will need to consider mobility aids, stairs, and handicap accessories in order to make the home accessible.
Keep the house organized and uncluttered
Many seniors tend to be unsteady on their feet. Your house should be organized and uncluttered to avoid falls.
Basic Housing Requirements
Heating, ventilation, and cooling are extremely important for older people who might have chronic conditions or are more sensitive to the elements. They need a telephone and possibly a personal panic system so they can call for help if something happens.
Understand their abilities and limitations
Different people have different problems and abilities as they age. Determine what kind of abilities and/or assistance they will need in the home.
Consider the level of assistance you and your family can provide
You need to know what help and how much time you can commit to possibly assisting an elderly person that you live with. This can be overwhelming at times.
Doctors and medications
When mom first moved in with us, she had a million doctors and prescriptions. She would be shuffled from one appointment to another and mom would just go with no idea why she was even there.
I now go to all of Mom’s doctor appointments but she runs the show once we are there. She makes her own decisions on treatment. I’m just there for support and keeping things on track. Have a one-on-one discussion beforehand to understand why you are going to the doctor and what your senior family member hopes to get out of it.
Another important issue is medication - because eventually, most seniors will need help in this area. They forget to take their medicine, take the wrong pill or even the wrong dose. Ask about drug interactions and make sure all doctors are on the same page.
Help the person with keeping their basic grooming presentable
Often elderly people cannot trim finger and toenails, comb or brush their hair, or put on and tie shoes. This is an important thing in order to make sure someone stays confident and ready to interact with others. If you want, help them if they have trouble, but only if they ask.
Watch out for scammers and frauds
This one makes my blood boil. We get calls all the time wanting mom to donate this or give up that. Unfortunately, there are people who take advantage of and prey on a senior’s good nature or lack of proper education. Keep seniors educated about scams in your area and instruct them what to say and not say on the phone.
Understand their dietary needs
Older people are often on restricted diets and tempted just like the rest of us. A senior suffering from memory problems will forget to eat. A senior who loses their appetite may not eat because they are never. Don't nag or be overly aggressive. They know they need to eat. They just don’t. Respect their choices but have healthy foods readily available.
Click here to watch my YouTube Video I made while mom was not feeling well. It talks about responsibilities that you as a possible caretaker should consider:
Do you know a senior family member struggling to live on their own? Perhaps you are a senior thinking about taking in a younger family member to help them out.
Contact me at the number below for tips, tools. options, and strategies. The details do matter!
Linda Treadway, eXp Realty
(682) 224-9848
“The right path to your perfect home“
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