Lost in Translation

If you've ever thought global real estate was glamorous, let me assure you it's mostly Google Translate, time zones, and pretending you know which way to bow.

Take my first meeting in Germany. I thought I'd impress them by greeting everyone with a firm Texas handshake and a hearty Howdy.
They looked alarmed, as if I'd just offered to purchase the Brandenburg Gate with a Costco card. Lesson learned: Howdy doesn't translate well in Berlin.

Then there was Mexico. I showed up early (a rookie mistake), and my host looked at me like I'd crashed a surprise party. By the time the meeting started forty-five minutes later I'd had two coffees, befriended the barista, and learned that punctuality is apparently optional if you bring good energy and a business card that says Global Guru.

In France, a broker asked me to bring my mandat de vente. I thought he said mandate to vent, so I spent five minutes passionately explaining how complicated wire transfers can be. He listened politely and then said, Monsieur Dawson, we are not yet on that level of friendship. Fair enough.

What I've discovered is that global business is like dating in twelve languages:

• You're trying not to say the wrong thing.

• You're hoping the Wi-Fi doesn't cut out during the critical moment.

• And you're never quite sure who's paying for lunch.

But here's the magic: somewhere between the mistranslations and missteps, relationships form. You go from who is this eccentric Texan on Zoom? to when are you visiting our country? I've been hugged in Hong Kong, toasted in Tampico, and offered goat stew in Ghanaall in the name of international partnership. (Pro tip: always say yes to the stew.)

So the next time someone says, I want to go global, tell them:
Yes, you'll expand your business.
Yes, you'll grow your network.
But mostly you'll collect hilarious stories, learn that mañana can mean anything between tomorrow and next month, and realize that real estate isn't just about property. It's about people.
And sometimes, those people become lifelong friends even if your first conversation required subtitles.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a call with a client in Japan. It's 3 a.m. my time, but in global real estate, that's what we call happy hour.

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